The Sacro Podcast

What I Learned About Mediation

• Sacro • Season 4 • Episode 5

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In this episode, we are joined by Caitlin Tiffany, a recent participant on one of our mediation courses. Here, she talks about her experience of the course, what she has learned from it and how she expects to apply these skills in the future. Caitlin is talking to Robert, one of the mediation trainers with Sacro’s Scottish Community Mediation centre.

To find out more about Sacro's mediation services and courses, visit scmc.sacro.org.uk

Find out more about Sacro at sacro.org.uk.

Speaker 00:

Hello and welcome to the Sacro podcast. In this episode we are joined by Caitlin Tiffany, a recent participant on one of our mediation courses. Here she talks about her experience of the course, what she has learned from it and how she expects to apply these skills in the future. Caitlin is talking to Robert, one of the mediation trainers with Sacro's Scottish Community Mediation Centre.

Speaker 01:

Good morning Caitlin. Good morning. Thank you very much for joining us today. I wonder whether we could begin at the start and ask how did you first come across mediation?

Speaker 02:

I think the first time I was actually involved in anything around mediation was when I was working as part of a police oversight board in the city I lived in in the United States. And something that we as a board had found was that in a lot of other police departments, there were mediation programs that seemed to be very successful. So we would get a lot of complaints about interactions with the police. And the way that it had worked previously was that that person would just get a result, which was usually that their complaint was unfounded or something similar to that, which isn't very useful to anyone, not really for the police as a learning experience and also not for the community member who has basically been told, we hear you sort of, but we don't care. So we had seen that mediation programs really helped to make the community feel heard and also allow the police to have better interaction with community members. So we spent a long time developing our own community mediation programs so that if someone submitted a complaint to our police department and it wasn't something very severe, then they would be able to go through mediation if the police officer also volunteered for that. which as you know is a very crucial part of mediation is choosing to participate. It took a long time because the Police Officers Association was very skeptical about it at the time. But since we were able to provide evidence suggesting that this would also benefit them and they would have better interactions with the community because of it, we eventually were able to get that in place so that our local police department then had that community mediation program to use instead of just the normal complaint and disciplinary process. So that was a really great experience. Around the same time, I was getting very politically active because things in the United States were not ideal. I was elected as a school board member for a local school district and school boards in the United States essentially are just community oversight of how the district is being run so that the community has input in how their tax dollars are being used and making sure that all of the children in the community are getting the best education they can get and school boards were becoming a place of high politicization and a lot of contention. And so our school board actually had hired a mediator to work within the school board itself. So we were a team of five. So if conflicts arose within our group, we had a mediator to help us because things would always work better if we could work well together and have a shared vision for what we wanted the school district to be to help the children in our community. So we had the mediator that did not only help work with us before we really got into working together as a team to kind of help us understand what are our different personality styles and how that might interact with each other. But then, of course, we did have a time when we had fairly significant conflict that became a little bit too personal rather than just about the issues. And so the mediator came in and helped us to work that out so that we could go back to working well together and have that conflict become a more positive situation rather than a negative one. And I think with that experience, I saw what the mediator was doing and I thought I would really like to do that. I think that I have the particular skills and value set that would allow me to do that. And so when I moved out of the country, I took that opportunity to start working towards that.

Speaker 01:

When it comes to the training, what did you like about the course and what for you were the challenges?

Speaker 02:

I think that, first of all, the course was fantastic. I really enjoyed it. I feel like it would benefit anyone, even if they weren't becoming a mediator, because it really gives you crucial life skills. But I think I was mostly concerned about about the role-playing aspect. I think some of the people who were in our group were a little concerned about the fact that it was on Zoom, but given that I had been a teacher in the US and during the pandemic had used Zoom, I wasn't too concerned and I knew that good education could occur over Zoom. And from a teaching perspective, it was excellent, very interactive, very engaging. But the role playing, I think, is a little bit scary at first. Luckily, we developed really good group dynamics very quickly. And I think that helped us to feel really comfortable with the role playing. After the fact, I feel like the role playing was so necessary and useful in allowing us to practice our skills. So even though it was a little scary at first, it was, I think we actually got maybe a little too into it at times. Our particular group, all of us really dived into being our roles. But it was really helpful for each of us to get to practice the particular skills. I was a little scared about the assessment as well, which I think is normal. Most people are scared of assessments, as I know from my teaching experience. But it was a very comfortable setting. By the time we got to the assessment, we were very comfortable with each other and it felt like a safe space. So it wasn't as scary as it could have been.

Speaker 01:

And yes, in terms of the role play, you know, it is a very practical course and we do discuss role play early on, but we gently build it up for people as the course progresses. And like you talked about the group dynamics, people get to know each other, get to be comfortable with each other. The trainers, Ian and myself, our roles to not just help you learn, but to keep things safe and make it a safe space for you to make mistakes and also just have a go. And yeah, it's reassuring to hear that perhaps the power of role play turned from something that was quite perhaps fearsome to something that you could actually see the benefit at the end. In terms of, you've already had a couple of positive experiences of mediation before you came to Scotland and before you joined us on the course. But in terms of your own experience, how has the mediation training changed the way you see conflict?

Speaker 02:

Yeah, so I think that luckily I had already had experiences where conflict could become more positive. And the mediation course really reinforces that, that conflict is going to occur and we can turn it into something that is positive by helping to make positive change through that conflict. But I think that it also... really explained to me both myself, how I view conflict and how I deal with conflict. Particularly, I don't think I had thought about the fact that I handle conflict differently, depending on the situation or the group of people. So I became more mindful of how I was inclined to handle a conflict based on the situation. And I think that that means that I better understand my personal responses and therefore I can maybe even adjust how I would like to respond because it might not be best in a particular situation, even if that's my gut reaction. And then on the flip side, I think it helped me to be able to Think more about what is going on with the other person that might be involved in the conflict and their own conflict management styles and how they also are probably changing their style of conflict, based on the situation, so I feel like that. has helped me to be more open-minded when it comes to conflict and allow me to navigate different kinds of conflict that arise in a more positive way.

Speaker 01:

I talked about earlier how it was only last autumn that you joined us on the training. Since then, how have you used the skills so far?

Speaker 02:

Yeah, I think the skills that... are taught in the mediation course are just good life skills, like I mentioned before. So in particular, I am always trying to use more open questions. So that way, I can have deeper conversations with a variety of people, colleagues, loved ones, but also summarizing, I think, has been very useful as well, because I find that if I'm not thinking about what they're saying and then thinking about what that really means, then it might go in one ear and out the other. So by summarizing, then I can test whether I heard them properly, but also whether my perception of what they said was correct. Because sometimes someone says something and you don't understand what they were actually trying to say. But by repeating it back to them, then they can correct any misunderstandings that occurred. And I really like this in particular because I feel like asking the open questions and summarizing helps to deepen any relationship. People really like to be heard, as we know. And so if you can be someone who's a good active listener, then people will feel more comfortable with you. And as a teacher, that's also extremely useful with students, but also with colleagues and loved ones. I find that those skills are not just useful for managing conflict, but also preventing conflict. Because if you are actively listening to the person you're interacting with, using open questions and summarizing, you're less likely to misunderstand them. And then that will not result in conflict since a lot of conflict results simply from misunderstandings. So it just really helps with overall communication. So that's how I've been using the mediation skills so far.

Speaker 01:

That's great. And in terms of the summarising, I really like how you pull out three different strands there. So one is, I suppose, knowing that you're going to summarise it helps you retain that information, keep that fresh in your head, knowing you are going to summarise it. Secondly, it's a good check in with that other person saying, well, actually, have I got this right? But the other thing, and you talked about active listening and how we all like to be heard and how it's important to people, it's actually a demonstration that you have heard them. It's an actual demonstration you are listening. And if you think of some of the conversations, particularly in busy workday or busy family life, such as the pulse pressure of time upon us, that conversations may well flow without the other person realizing whether or not actually they have been heard. So it has a real value for quite a few reasons and actually for both the listener as well as the speaker. So thanks for that. You've talked about your experiences in the US and then how you've come over here and then done the training and you're using it in a whole range of areas. I wonder whether you've got any thoughts on what you see are the differences in how conflict is handled between the US and here in Scotland.

Speaker 02:

Yeah, so I think that there are some differences. Obviously, handling conflict is very personal. So even in certain types of cultures and certain geographical regions, there might be generalizations. Each individual is different. My experience in the US is that the culture is highly competitive. So it really stresses that conflict can be good for personal gain. And I don't think that that's necessarily the best way to go to handle conflict, but that is... what we're indoctrinated with in the US with our reality television series and our politicians, that everything is about winning. And so in the US, I would be more likely to interact with people who I would say are what we grouped in the course as sharks. Those people who are, you know, very into conflict and they're going to be aggressive in the conflict they're trying to win. They might start conflict just to win. So that is not uncommon to encounter in the United States. And I've only been in Scotland for less than a year, a little over six months, but I have not encountered anyone like that in Scotland. I've not encountered someone who was so competitive and had to win that they would be willing to begin conflict for that reason. I've more seen that in interactions I've had, I luckily have not had direct conflict with anyone in Scotland. But when I've heard other people here talk about their conflicts with others, it sounds like there's more of an avoidance of conflict is more of the desirable route to go, keep your head down and just keep moving forward. And so it is quite a shift in the culture. Don't think that keeping your head down and ignoring it is necessarily the best way to go about it either. But I do feel like it's a little bit more pleasant than having people try to start conflict out of nothing. I would rather have people. interact with people who would do anything to not start a conflict. But there should be definitely a middle ground if conflict will arise, it's inevitable. So being able to work through it, I think is the best, which is why these kinds of skills are so important for everyone.

Speaker 01:

Thank you. One of the things you touched on earlier was how you perceive conflict and how you perceive conflict from your experiences in the US and from the training as at times being a positive thing. And I think as a society, we are still on the conveyor belt of evolution, perhaps, in terms of how we see conflict. And you talked about the media and television, how it portrays conflict as a very negative and a very competitive thing. And I think that goes for UK countries. Scottish television and media, let alone the US. But I think, yeah, the way we handle conflict is a moving position. And for some of us who have been around a few years and certainly with the training and the mediation skills course that obviously we've seen literally hundreds of people on over the years, we do see a difference. We do see a difference to people realise, well, actually, conflict's not necessarily something to be afraid of. It's something it can be productive, it can be creative, it can be positive, but I think we are conditioned to handle it in a particular way based on our environment. Finally, how do you hope to use your mediation skills in the future?

Speaker 02:

Yeah, so I am very hopeful that I will be able to do some actual mediation sometime in the near future. After the course, I joined Scottish Mediation and I signed up to be on their third sector volunteer panel, which essentially allows people who are not registered mediators, but who have had the training and less experience to be able to co-mediate with an experienced mediator in a voluntary capacity and build hours towards becoming a registered mediator. I have not had an opportunity yet to work with with that, but I'm very excited and look forward to being able to do that. Particularly the co-mediating because we saw a lot of that in the training and I think that that looked like a really good system that I would be excited to be a part of. I also just joined a union for my work, which is an academia and unions are also very involved in negotiations. So I hope that I will be able to use my mediation skills to help out the union as well.

Speaker 01:

That sounds really interesting. And I wish you all the very best for the next steps. So thank you very much again, Caitlin, for joining us this morning.

Speaker 02:

Thank you so much, Robert.

Unknown:

Thank you.

Speaker 00:

To find out more about Sacro's work, visit us at sacro.org.uk. Thanks for listening.